In this post I want to explore the importance of community for our emotional, psychological and social well-being, along with some ways to begin building relationships should you sense that your current ones are not optimal.
What is a community?
A community is all of the people we connect with in the world around us, including our family, friends, co-workers or students. Some people continue to be part of our community throughout our lives, while others may come and go depending on our shared experiences and other circumstances. It’s the people in the groups we belong to – who we cycle with or discuss the latest books. It’s the people we chat with at the gym, in the grocery store, on the bus and in our neighbourhoods.
Benefits of connection
Being part of a community is healthy for many reasons. Connecting with others is a basic human need that brings us comfort and happiness, safety and security, often when we need it most. A strong connection with community and the people who form it can be a tremendous source of energy and support as we navigate daily lives, and the stresses and challenges we may face.
When social connections are few
At times, we may come to realize that we have too few people in our social life, and that something is missing. This gives rise to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction, and may significantly impact our well-being. There are many possible reasons for this - a relationship ends and our circle of friends gets smaller or we move to a new city. We return home after being away for many years or we’re able to focus on connecting with others now that the kids have left home. We may come to realize that we’ve struggled with trust and social anxiety, not allowing ourselves to be close with people. All of these situations and the feelings they bring forward may hold us back from forming the kind of relationships we actually want and need.
Self-awareness and community building
In previous posts, I focused on the importance of self-awareness as a vital first step on the path to helping us connect with what matters most, and addressing our challenges and goals. Building our relationships and community also begins with self-awareness and asking yourself what you need. Some questions to consider…
What social connections do you want? What is missing in your life?
Spending more time with the people currently in your life – family, friends, etc.
A life partner
A close friend or friends to share personal and meaningful things with
A group of people to do activities with – running, music, travel, politics, volunteering, etc.
Getting to know the people in your neighbourhood and community better
How much time do you prefer to spend with people and yourself?
People differ in how they replenish their energy – some recharge by being around others, whereas others re-energize by spending time by themselves doing things they enjoy, and there is a great deal of variation in between.
Find the balance that works for you; not everyone needs the same degree of contact.
Are there any personal issues holding you back from connecting with people?
For example, social anxiety and trust issues
Low self-esteem and self-confidence
Build your plan
Once you have a clear picture of your needs, you can begin to form a plan for growing social connections. It’s also useful to draw on your life experiences and tap into the ways you may have problem-solved similar issues in the past. A number of resources exist to assist you in community building; there are self help books, podcasts, and other forms of research. As well, a therapist can also be a helpful resource, offering insight and support as you progress.
Throughout life we are presented with change and transitions, and building healthy social connections can be a protective factor in feeding and nurturing our wellbeing. Ultimately, it allows us to embrace life more fully and enjoy the good times while successfully managing the stressful in-betweens.