Over the holidays we often get together with family, friends, colleagues or acquaintances to share good wishes, to catch-up on what’s new, and to reminisce. Holiday gatherings connect us with each other, contributing to our emotional, psychological and social well-being. For many of us, however, these occasions can be a bittersweet time.
The bitter …
Holiday gatherings can be a source of stress, negatively impacting our energy and mental health. Long standing conflicts with family or friends may surface. Or we may feel uncomfortable in social settings. Our daily routines frequently fall by the wayside with too much eating and activity and not enough sleep and exercise. And the list goes on. All of this may increase our anxiety, leaving us feeling depleted and longing for the holiday to be over.
The sweet …
On the other hand, connecting with people we know and forging new relationships at dinners and events can bring us comfort, support, happiness and rejuvenation. Healthy and satisfying relationships are a protective factor in nurturing our well-being, giving us a sense of belonging and reducing our stress.
I believe we have the ability to draw on our life experiences, inner resources and the supports around us to create a plan based on our needs and wants for the holidays, allowing us to experience more of the “sweet”.
Create your holiday plan
Start building a holiday tool-kit by asking yourself these questions:
Which issues leave me feeling depleted over the holidays and which ones do I want to change?
Perhaps you cringe at the thought of spending time with a cousin who tends to criticize you. Or attending a big company event leaves you feeling extremely anxious.
What do I want to achieve this holiday?
Select one or a few issues to work on and begin to set goals for yourself. For example, you may want to be more assertive with your cousin or further develop your conflict resolution skills enabling you to manage their put-downs.
What has helped me to manage these issues in the past?
Take the time to think about solutions that have worked for you so you can use them when facing challenges. After all, we know ourselves better than anyone else does, so it’s useful to reflect and draw on our life experiences. For example, perhaps limiting the amount of time you spend with your cousin reduces your stress. Or preparing a few topics for discussion helps you to manage your anxious feelings in a social setting.
The following are a few additional ideas for your holiday tool-kit:
A list of activities to help ground and calm yourself should you feel stressed or overwhelmed:
Throughout the holiday time: focus on your self-care to recharge – go for a walk or to the gym, stay hydrated, meditate or some other soothing activity.
During an event: feel your feet on the ground, find a private place and focus on your breathing for a few minutes, take a quick walk around the block, etc.
Check-in daily on what you’re experiencing emotionally. Are you feeling anxious, happy or disappointed? Being aware of and accepting our emotional life helps us to understand what we need, preserve our energy, and make healthy decisions for ourselves.
Grow a plan over the years
Content of a holiday plan depends on our needs, and lays the foundation for more enjoyable and fulfilling holiday gatherings and ultimately connections with people. It’s a blueprint for us to build on for years to come, as we sort through what is and isn’t effective, and explore new growth. Keep in mind that personal growth rarely happens overnight. Successful change is often a gradual process and is best approached one step at a time and at a pace that is right for us. Being patient and compassionate with ourselves during periods of growth is also an important quality to strive toward.
Our own unique approach to managing holiday gatherings helps us to connect more fully with our own needs, as well as, to people in our communities, and to tip the balance so there is less bitter and more sweet!