Conflict, in varying degrees, surfaces in all of our relationships whether it’s with family, friends, work colleagues or acquaintances. Each of us has needs, values and opinions and sometimes these differences collide, leading to conflict. Although a natural reaction, conflict is often viewed negatively as an indication that something is wrong with us, the other person or our relationship.
Unlock and Transform Unhealthy Patterns of Behaviour
Uncomfortable and frightening, we typically react to conflict by withdrawing and trying to ignore it or getting defensive and angry with no resolution to the problem. The issue may settle down only to fester and erupt later as the painful cycle continues. A reoccurring conflict with a co-worker may increase your stress, reduce productivity and leave you feeling hurt and frustrated. Constant disagreements with your partner may cause you to feel fear, hurt and despair while reinforcing the belief that you can’t resolve problems together. Often we become locked in unhealthy patterns of behaviour, which impact our well being and quality of life.
Meet the Challenge of Effectively Resolving Conflict
For many reasons, resolving conflict is a challenge. Perhaps we didn’t learn how to resolve it in our family, which informed our early life experiences. Or we internalized scripts telling us that conflict is unhealthy and this dictated how it should be approached. These beliefs continue to not serve us well in our social interactions today. Or we may experience intense fear and anger around conflict, which holds us back from effectively resolving differences. A low sense of self-worth often stands in the way of our ability to assert our needs or opinions, and arrive at an effective solution. The approach you undertake to improve your conflict resolution skills will depend on your unique needs.
In a previous post, I wrote about the importance of self awareness in developing self-esteem and embracing change. Getting to know your internal life helps to build your resiliency. Try asking yourself the following questions: What thoughts do I have about the impact of conflict in my relationships? What emotions do I experience in a disagreement and how do they impact my behaviour? What aspects of conflict are most challenging for me?
Strengthen Life Skills to Improve Self-Esteem
The development of active listening, assertion and tuning into your needs, wants and values as well as those of the other person, improves your conflict resolution skills while strengthening self-esteem. Many resources exist to support the building of life skills to resolve differences including books and materials, consulting with friends and colleagues, along with tapping into your inner resources. Working with a therapist can further support your learning.
Resolving conflict as it happens in a healthy and respectful manner has many benefits and outcomes, including feeling better about yourself with less stress and more energy. As you become more confident in your ability to manage conflict and resolve problems, your relationships will become more fulfilling as you resolve issues together. We learn about ourselves and the people in our lives, leading to more fulfilling and respectful relationships, which is vital to our well-being.