As women, when we enter our 40s, 50s, 60s or beyond we face many life transitions that can be challenging, overwhelming and painful. Transitions can be seemingly minor or can include more life-changing events like the ending of relationships or seeing our children head off to university or college. Chances are that roles have switched so that our parents may need our support and caregiving. Jobs might be downsized, and we may find ourselves searching for a new career at mid-life or we decide to retire.
Other things that brought us joy in the past may no longer be fulfilling.
Add to this ageist stereotypes telling us who we are and what we are capable of doing, often negatively affecting our self esteem, and it can suddenly dawn on us that life doesn’t go on forever. Of course, we’ve always understood this truism intellectually, but when we find ourselves confronted with these milestones and changes, we may begin to understand it more profoundly and personally.
Embrace the Regenerating Power of Life’s Milestones
I believe a milestone is a time of rebirth when we can re-imagine possibilities for ourselves in the present and for the future. We can explore our issues, problems and needs, initiate change then remain on course while making adjustments along the way as we see fit or yet again venture off in other directions.
Some women decide to make a drastic career change. Importantly, that change might blossom out of an emerging vague notion that has nothing to do with childhood dreams but, rather, arises from life experience. Or we might find we desire to work well into our 80s or to do meaningful volunteer work in a field where our experience and expertise can make a profound impact. In short, we stop focusing on which occupation we want to fill, and we begin to strive toward what is more closely aligned to our values and who we are. We can learn to feel freed to explore how our horizons have widened as we get older, to become more aware of our own needs, and to value taking care of ourselves.
Milestones and transitions are not about doors closing; they can be about reaching new goals and possibilities.
Processing Transitional Challenges
All of this is not to say that going through life’s stages is easy. Milestones and change can meddle with our psychological, social, physical and financial well-being. Many of us can be left feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. No outside person can determine what will give our lives meaning, but a therapist can help us in these moments of transition to ensure that we’re tapping in to what matters most to us. Taking the time to process life’s transitions is vital for our healing and well-being. It involves grieving changes and losses, and exploring self development issues unique to each of us.
Although grieving is a natural response to change and loss, it persists as a complex and even taboo process for most of us in the 21stcentury and is a skill that many of us simply don’t come pre-equipped with. Often our instinct is to push grief away, which can manifest into pain. How we express it is unique for each of us. We can learn how to process it in our own way and at our own pace – for example some of us grieve through the expression of emotion while others focus on thoughts and memories. It’s about tapping into our inner resources and wisdom so we can begin to integrate change into our lives.
Getting to Truly Know Ourselves and Reaching Beyond Our Perceived Limitations
Milestones and transitions vary considerably and so do our unique issues and self-development needs. A range of approaches exists to provide us with support. For example, building self-esteem is important work for many of us because we can feel better about ourselves, have healthier relationships, and use our personal resources more fully. Examples of topics include exploring beliefs about ourselves that may hold us back from reaching our dreams and goals, and developing an awareness of our relationship patterns and roles and how they can shift so that our needs are being met.
Through this work we often start to place more value on taking care of ourselves, and we draw on our strengths and life experiences. We don’t always have a clear idea of what we need but by exploring our challenges, their sources, and enhancing our self awareness we can more clearly define what we need now and for the future.
Aging isn’t about endings; it’s about figuring out how to embrace your own unique future, and that happens through self awareness and learning to process life’s transitions and losses. You do have a wondrous future in front of you, as you age. Whatever your heart desires.